For most my life, politics were by and large a vague concept. Something happening out there somewhere that doesn’t really do a whole lot in my day to day life. When things are run well, the running of things is practically invisible. I acknowledge that my perception on that may be due be a result of privilege.
But then there’s this MoFo. During The Dark Times 1.0, I experienced a president practically parking his big fat butt right in my living room in a way I never had before.
During 1.0, we had an au pair from South Africa. We adored her. She decided to attend university in the states after her au pair term was finished and began the process of converting her visa. We were all for this because we considered her the adult daughter we didn’t know we had and would have loved to have had her somewhere in the country for an additional 4 years. The vast majority of those visa changes were usually approved and we were told it would take about 5 weeks or so to process. So she submitted her application in August with plenty of time to work out any hiccups before her au pair visa would expire the following May.
Then that MoFo and his sharpie went all executive order on our asses. That October, he issued an order. Where previously the agents were supposed to work with applicants to get everything good to go unless there was significant reason to deny a visa, they were now instructed to deny for whatever flimsy reason they could find.
Any change in policy or procedure grinds government offices to a halt. Having worked in local government, I can tell you I witnessed first-hand that no matter how small the change, implementing it is like trying to turn the Titanic around. The California office where her application began extending their processing times, and those times only got longer and longer every week that went by.
By early spring, we were getting nervous that her au pair visa might expire before getting an answer about her student visa. We were on the phone with the proper immigration agencies constantly verifying that we had done everything correctly. I was raised by a lawyer/judge. When I ask legal questions, I’m very succinct in my wording to ensure accuracy and clarity.
They confirmed that she could not leave the country while her application was processing. They confirmed that it was indeed processing and thus she could not leave the country. I asked for an audit of her paperwork and to confirm that we had submitted everything we needed to submit to ensure she could follow those directions legally. They confirmed that yes, everything was good and that she should stay in the country even though her au pair visa might expire because she had an application for a student visa actively in process.
They lied.
Her au pair visa expired mid May and there was a 30 day grace period meaning she was expected to leave the country mid June. We received a letter in June telling her that her visa had been denied because she overstayed her original visa. Since her university would start in August and the 30 day grace period before school would start in July, there was a 2 week gap between the end of one grace period and the beginning of the next and since she was in the country during that period, they were denying her visa. They claimed we had failed to submit some sort of waiver to cover this period.
Yup. They told us she can’t leave the country. That we had submitted all the correct paperwork. Then denied her visa because she had stayed in the country and there was missing paperwork.
All because that MoFo changed the rules mid-stream. He came into my living room and ripped out a piece of it. Never before had a politician and their actions been so in my face and inescapable.
And now he’s at it again.
I’ve been deliberately avoiding the day to day display of horrors this week. I get the headlines pushed to my phone, but I’m considering turning them off. While I’m trying to disengage enough to protect myself, my work against him is also my hobby, so I’m able to continue the fight even in moments when I need an emotional break.
We do talk politics in our home with our kids, and I do my best to present issues as objectively and without emotion as possible. But it’s kind of hard to both sides an issue when one side is “we should be decent people” and the other side is “I should have the freedom to torture people I don’t like”. I really do try to give them enough neutral information as I can to allow them to think through issues and come to a position through their own reasoning and motivations, but like most kids, they pretty much align with their parents views.
On Thursday, one of my 12 year olds came to me to say she wasn’t feeling good. She was having intrusive thoughts and this overwhelming sense of doom. This is not new for her, but she had been feeling a lot better in recent months. So I asked her how long it had been going on assuming she would say it’s been growing little by little over a few weeks. “Since Monday”.
Oh.
Ok my little empath, let’s talk about what’s been going on this week because you’re not sick, you’re pickin up on the vibe of everyone around you.
We have gotten notifications from the school about how they intend to handle the potential of ICE agents coming on campus or showing up at bus stops. I talked to our girls about how many of the adults in their lives, and in their friends lives, are currently under stress due to fear of what’s coming.
I told them that most of the fear is due to bigotry and some bad things are likely to happen to people of color now that the bigots have regained power. That some of their friends may experience harassment, possibly worse. And that blond hair and paler than paper complexions protects our family from experiencing the worst of the worst of what’s to come, but many of their friends are experiencing a stress that we can’t fully appreciate. But that we are doing our best to leverage our privilege to protect others as best we can.
This kid of mine has always been so aware of any hurt that may be around her. Even before she could talk, if a kid in the room was unhappy, she felt every bit of that kids pain and could not cheer up until the other kid did. She absorbs all the hurt and unhappiness and there’s so much of that in the air right now.
That MoFo has once again parked his big fat ass in my living room, and his stench is literally making my little girl sick.
Our privilege only protects us from so much. Those of us who feel are affected deeply. Thank you for your bravery. Hugs to your girl. 💜
I am so sorry your girls have to live through this.
We have such a diverse population in Washington, so many Hispanic, Indian and Asian families - I hate that any of them might be living in fear. They are our neighbors, this shouldn't be happening.